General Jokes

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, but then it hit me.
I always take life with a grain of salt. And a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila.
I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts,’ which on the one hand is great, but on the other, it’s just not right.
I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is ‘Goodbye.’
It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
Why do you have to take a shit before new years? Because you do not want to carry the same shit to the next year :D
What will make a robber terrified? By saying ‘OICU’!