- My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
- I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, but then it hit me.
- I always take life with a grain of salt. And a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila.
- I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts,’ which on the one hand is great, but on the other, it’s just not right.
- I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is ‘Goodbye.’
- It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
- How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
- Why do you have to take a shit before new years? Because you do not want to carry the same shit to the next year :D
- What will make a robber terrified? By saying ‘OICU’!